Controversial car botherer Jeremy Clarkson has defended the latest series of the Sunday tea-time race-row programme, 'The Black and White Top Gear Show'.
Clarkson and his co-presenters have been criticised for 'blacking up' once again, although some say the practice was acceptable when the show first aired in the '50s.
"People are deliberately misunderstanding why we do this", claimed Clarkson. "We're not wearing make-up to mimic black people. We're doing it so you can't tell which one of us is being racist."
Clarkson started the first episode by showing off his new Mercedes 900SL, before the small one with a bone through his nose pointed out that the dashboard was made in Romania.
"He wrenched it out with his bare hands and started kicking it", explained the nerdy one with a fake afro. "I thought it was a bit of an over-reaction, but Hammond kept goading him on. Then they wrestled, while arguing about who had the best ancestors."
Fans of programmes that have cars in were treated to a 'race special' in the first episode, the three attempting to track their way from Tenby to London bare-footed, while chased by a tiger.
"In hindsight, I may have offended a few people", admitted the big lumpy one with no manners. "I shouldn’t have suggested they eat dogs in Swansea, and I'm sorry I told Hammond to carry my luggage. Without my glasses, he looked just like the real one we had at boarding school."
Part-way through the episode, the three presenters were set the task of dressing up as other stereotypes, to offend as wide an audience as possible. Mexico, India and Birmingham have all made official complaints.
Producers of the show are adamant they can do what they like, but think next week's show might have to be postponed anyway. "We received more complaints than normal, so we know the formula is working. But we’re not sure the lads will be back in time for filming.”
“It was a mistake to sneak them into the Olympic stadium, to see which race was the fastest. They’re still being detained by anti-terror police."