Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS) boss Stephen Hester is to receive a bonus of almost one million children's teeth.
RBS announced on Thursday that Mr Hester is to get 963,000 children's teeth, the money equivalent, based on the bank's closing share price on Wednesday 25 January 2012.
The bank said the bonus was for "substantial progress in making RBS safer, rebuilding performance in many businesses, improving customer service and support and just to generally piss off everyone because we're masters of the Universe".
When questioned about the bonus, Mr Hester said "I would have walked if they didn't pay my bonus. I originally asked for my employee's children's teeth but they negotiated me down to just dead kid's teeth or Africans or something. If the payment had been vetoed by the government as the majority shareholder I would have demanded Nick Clegg's spleen. No one could argue with that, I'm not unreasonable".
"I can't wait to get home and put them all under my pillow. The look on the tooth fairy's face is going to be classic. Apart from that, imagine sleeping on a bed of teeth just because you can!"
RBS is 82% owned by the taxpayer.