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beau-jolly
offlineMember
Do you have any examples of up-dates nursery rhymes? I thought it may act as a catalyst for some satirical subs. Also it is an excuse to share one which always makes me smile.
Simple Simon met a pie man, going to a fayre
Said simple Simon to the pie man, "What have you got there?"
Said the pie man to simple Simon, "Pies, you mong!"
I'm sure there is mileage in Jack and Jill making a claim to Injury lawyers 4U
or little Jack Horner being diagnosed as autistic.
Iscariot
offlineMember
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn't know what to do
She whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed
Social Services had her committed to a secure instution
There was a crooked man who walked a crooked mile
This meant he failed his Work Capability Assessment
And lost all his disability benefits
Sing a song of 2.5p...
beau-jolly
offlineMember
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
when the boys came out to play
he kissed them too,
George is gay.
Shing a shong of shishpench a bottle full of Rye.
beau-jolly
offlineMember
Mary Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells
and Potasium di-hydro chloride
God, is been a dull day in the shop today!
kimllfixit
offlineMember
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow
She thought it was adorable, but she really did not know,
The lamb was filled with hatred, the white fleece for more than hugs;
It concealed a swastika tattoo, inked on at Wormwood Scrubs.
“White power!” the lamb did proclaim, and joined the BNP,
But Mary, having none of it, screeched like a banshee,
Dragging the lamb off by the neck, to the home of Masterchef,
‘Twas time to see the lamb ‘en croute’ – ironically browned in death.
The All New Jeni B
offlineMember
The YM's nursery tried to persuade the children that it was "Three white mice", but after a concerted effort by the parents, they agreed that retaining "blind" demonstrated that visually impaired rodents could fall victim to a vicious knife wielding Mrs Farmer too, thus ensuring equality for the less able.
charlies_hat
offlineMember
Does Button junior go to the same nursery as John Terry junior?
Wee Willy Winky,
Gets a lot of spam emails about a pill that will boost his length and girth in less than a week....
Son of Barnabas
offlineMember
"Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are"
"I'm a massive, luminous sphere of plasma held together by gravity. For at least a portion of my life, I shine due to thermonuclear fusion of hydrogen in my core releasing energy that traverses my interior and then radiates into outer space. I began as a collapsing cloud of material composed primarily of hydrogen, along with helium and trace amounts of heavier elements. Once my core is sufficiently dense, some of the hydrogen is steadily converted into helium through the process of nuclear fusion. The remainder of my interior carries energy away from the core through a combination of radiative and convective processes. My internal pressure prevents me from collapsing further under my own gravity. Once the hydrogen fuel at my core is exhausted, I will expand to become a red giant. I will then evolves into a degenerate form, recycling a portion of the matter into the interstellar environment, where it will form a new generation of stars with a higher proportion of heavy elements. Next question."
Iscariot
offlineMember
Scintillate, Scintillate diminutive stellar orb.
How inexplicable to me seems this stupendous problem of your existance.
Elevated at such at an imeasurable distance,
in an apparently perpendicular direction from this terrestrial planet which we occupy.
Resembling in thy dazzling and unapproachable efulgence,
a gem of purist carbon, set solitaire in a university of space.
Scintillate, Scintillate diminutive stellar orb.
How inexplicable to me seems this stupendous problem of your existance.
beau-jolly
offlineMember
Barny's Owl and the pussy cat had me 'owling. Best so far.
beau-jolly
offlineMember
Little boy blue
come blow on this horn...
...and promise not to tell the headmaster
beau-jolly
offlineMember
Hickory, dickory dock
A mouse ran up the clock
The clock stuck one
but was let off with a caution despite 11 similar offences
Al OPecia
offlineMember
Doctor Foster went to Gloucester,
In a shower of rain;
He stepped in a puddle,
Right up to his middle,
And sued the Council.
Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a cockroach,
And said 'right that's Tesco's for twenty grand, then!'
Three blind mice.
Three blind mice.
See how they run.
See how they run.
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Who put them in a thick crust,
and sold them as organic at a vast premium.
Goosey goosey gander,
Whither shall I wander?
Upstairs and downstairs
And in my lady's chamber.
There I met an old man
Who wouldn't say his prayers,
So I cut his fucking throat,
And threw him down the stairs,
He's not laughing now Chummy
(Harold Pinter)
beau-jolly
offlineMember
Pat
Pat
Pat and his black and white cat
don't get out much since the redundancies
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