Widowed mum of two Angela Sophes was last night said to be ecstatic as she received a promotion at work. 35 year old Sophes from South London reported that her lift to the role of deputy chief executive of a large interior design company finally paid a wage that covered her family’s cost of living.
Every morning Sophes leaves her house at 6:30 to walk the 8 miles to the office, and usually makes her way home at 7:30pm. “Thankfully my children are ginger enough to avoid being captured by paedophiles, so I’m ok with them walking to and from nursery unaccompanied,” she said. “Plus, they’re pretty good at boiling a kettle so it’s not been a big deal for them to share a Pot Noodle every now and again”.
She celebrated her new £320k salary by treating little Timmy and Oliver to a Waitrose Essentials Victoria sponge, noting that it was the “most glamorous thing they’ve eaten since 2007”. The children will now be able to take a plain slice of bread to nursery for lunch, and can even have a box of MicroChips with their noodles.
Sophes is unable to quit her job and claim benefits, as her children were born into a happy environment until their father tragically died of malaria. A Social Services representative issued a statement this morning, declaring that Sophes will qualify for financial assistance if she has three more children with different men and presents her story on Jeremy Kyle.