In a controversial State of the Union address on Tuesday evening, US President gave America's weakest schools a bold ultimatum: 'Improve or be destroyed by drones.'
The annual speech, Obama's last before November's presidential election, focused on rebuilding the economy, the Arab Spring, and, most notably, education.
'Let’s offer schools a deal. Give them the resources to keep good teachers on the job, and reward the best ones. In return, grant schools flexibility: To teach with creativity and passion.
'Failure to do so will result in the complete, unannounced destruction of those schools by aerial drones. It may be at night, it may be during lunch break on the first day of term. Your child may be killed, or not. But I will ensure that America's weakest schools will be left as nothing more than holes in the ground if they are not up to standard.'
Obama said he was 'not afraid' to deploy drones on his own people, even little children playing basketball in a school yard. 'During my presidency, I have become known for using these wonderful unmanned devices to target defenceless citizens of other countries. And, I'll be frank - it's been a lot of fun.
'I get to sit in the White House and control them, as though I was playing a video game. Whenever I'm bored, I go into the drone room and start playing - maybe taking over drones above Pakistan, Afghanistan or Yemen. So I figured - why not use these flying predators on my own country?'
One analyst said Obama's new policy could lead to the destruction of up to 1,500 schools, and the deaths of more than 10,000 children and 350 dinner ladies. 'You may not appreciate it if you learn that your child has been killed by a silent, evil death plane several miles up in the sky,' said the analyst. 'But what would you prefer - that, or the fact your child would have continued receiving a substandard education for several more years?'
Obama said: 'I can't wait to deploy these flying beauties over our major cities so I can terrorise my own people at will.'