In a bid to improve the number of hits they are getting from their internet advertising. Macmillan the famous cancer charity is offering a chance to win a free cancer including a two month stay in one of their care homes while you gasp though those final painful weeks of life.
Ethel Bainbridge of Tavistock was delighted at her prize, ‘After winning a malignant bowl cancer from Macmillan I have been able to shit out of a plastic bag attached to my stomach which makes going to the toilet so much easier. The radiation treatment has also taken pounds of me and I recently won slimmer of the month at Weightwatchers.’
Fred Jones from Bournemouth was also happy with his success. ’All my smoking mates have had lung cancers for years but I was left out, they would be talking about their hospital treatments and tablet cocktails while I would just mumble away in the corner about my next marathon. I went to the Macmillan site and took up their 40 fags a day challenge. Now that my lungs are failing on me and I only have a few months to live, I feel like I’m really joining in. I’m really looking forward to moving into the care home, it’s like Dignatas but free and without all that foreign food.’
Which magazine has written a damming review of the competition and have said that many people do not get the prize they were expecting or any prize at all. ‘Our researchers tried to get a variety of cancers off the Macmillan site and after donating several hundred pounds to their so called ‘charity’, we have come to the sad conclusion that this organisation is doing nothing but deluding hopeful hypochondriacs in order to scam money off them. We have had far more success with the Guide Dogs for the Blind, ‘Stare at the sun for a day’ challenge and the office now has three journalists who can read Braille and are excitedly awaiting delivery of their first guide dogs.’
Susan Hodge is one of several people whom have complained to Offbeg the overseer of UK based charities about the Macmillan offer, ‘I was hoping for a relatively benign lump in my breast, it’s so fashionable and I would look great dressed in pink for the 5km charity runs. What I got was a fast developing mouth and throat cancer which has left me with a rasping voice and no front teeth, the disappointment has been hard to swallow.’