excuse for most things not getting done. I'm playing skyrim. 150 plus hours of my life i'm not bothered about writing off
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
Justified Work Avoidance
(70 posts) (22 voices)
-
Mary Evans
offlineMemberBarney, you saucy student. Despite my firm hand and exemplary discipline, I expect you would prove quite incorrigible. However many extra tutorials you demand.
I rather like the idea of a University of NewsBiscuit. Surely with the massed talents on here, we could cover most academic disciplines? Or at least have some vigorous massed debates?
Posted 1 year ago # -
thisisall1word
offlineMemberNewsBiscuit University
"relatus, pre res"Subs welcome.
Can I teach Dance in the Community?
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberI'll be the lecturer that no-one is quite sure what they teach.
I'll have a dusty little room, filled with random objects and a cat.
Once the students have overcome their natural curiosity, they'll rave about my classes, but never quite remember what the subject discussed was...Posted 1 year ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberI can, and do, teach wine drinking.
I have been booked for a few sessions in the spring/summer at a local "glamping" site. The first one is for 20+ ladies on a hen do in jurts. They have also booked "Butlers in the buff" to serve the wine. I was concidering setting up a new line of business called "Wine buff" where I conduct a tutored tasting of specific wines whilst buck naked. What do you think? Got legs?Posted 1 year ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberObviously I'd lose a bit of weight and buff up a bit first.
Posted 1 year ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberHmmm Maybe its just a small number of 20+ ladies. I may have misunderstood.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Son of Barnabas
offlineMemberOr maybe it's 20 small ladies?
And please clarify jurt. Do you mean:
a) an Icelandic plant?
b) a Mongolian tent (alternative spelling yurt)?
c) The act of injuring, killing, or inflicting any kind of pain or damage on a robot, cyborg, machine or any other partially, wholely or holey bionic item by means of poking, prodding or prying or any other way you can imagine with a great force and/or torque?
d) None of the above
e) all of the abovePosted 1 year ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberSoB: I was thinking b) but now you've got me worried.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Ironduke
offlineMemberI was once called out to the practice; a gruff owner brought in a straggly looking terrier, not looking terribly poorly. I asked his name to log on the computer and I thought he said 'Jack Shit'.
'I'm sorry?' says I, 'Jack Shit' says he, clearer this time and unmistakeable.
Charming, thought I. 'Shall I search under Jack?' I said, a little prissily.
'JACK......SHIT ' says he, as though speaking to a hard of hearing numbskull...then he did a little chuckle and said 'Mother were a Jack Russell, fatha were a Shih Tzu. Jack Shit he's called'.He then proceeded to chuckle the whole way through the consult.
Until he got his bill.
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberAl, what's worked for me is having two of them, so they just bite each other!
Also, buying really heavy duty chew toys helps. It's because their puppy teeth start loosening off at about 8wks, but also due to the 'pack' instinct where they learn to hunt and kill by practising on their siblings.
What I've done too, is making sure the chew toys are clean, pop them in a bag, seal it, stick it in the freezer for a little while until it is chilled, then give them that to chew.
It's really helped the boys.Posted 1 year ago # -
Ironduke
offlineMemberPuppies speak a)'puppy' and b)'bitch' language. (so ask JeniB to translate).
They do play biting; that is in their nature. It is normal. They learn their boundaries (ie. ouch, that fucking hurt) by a) the puppy that has been bitten too hard or too often, so it squeals loudly and walks away, ending the game or b) the bitch that is fed up MAY give a gentle bite but WILL get up and walk away, ending the game.
One of the most powerful 'punishments' to a dog is isolation from their pack. You are their pack.
SO...puppy mouths and bites you. Squeal, look away, and walk away. No eye contact, no attention, if possible leave the room.
ALSO...dogs have little perception of time. So 30seconds later you can walk back in as if nothing has happened- its the fact of seperation from pack leader/parent figure, rather than the length of time of seperation, that is relevant as a deterrent.
And please do not underestimate how fucking annoying it is for a large dog to mouth you every time you go near it. Your vet will tell you it doesn't matter, that its cute, that its not really painful or irritating at all. They will not mean it.
I had a young labrador with juvenile joint problems that needed to visit me regularly, each time persistently mouthing my hands painfully; when I put my hands in my pockets, he butted my bollocks. His owners smiled all the time.
Significant parts of him are in a jar on my shelf.
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberEasily SoB, he only ever opens the freezer to get ice for his whisky.
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberOnly when he wants ice in his drink.
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberBecause he values his life.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Ironduke
offlineMemberDVO, you certainly MAY NOT pull your dog's teeth out with pliers.
Take your dog (and your chequebook) to the vet and ask politely for them to do it for you. After all, thats his job, and its not as if a vet steals your role by sitting around all day posting unfunny comments on this website, is it?
Oh, actually I see your point now. Homebase do nice pliers with groovy bits that don't catch the gum, if thats any help?
Posted 1 year ago # -
Son of Barnabas
offlineMember...and I always thought you were such a caring, tender wench, Jeni. Bang goes my fantasy of flying up to the frozen wastes of Scotchland and reclining on a tussock of heather whilst you fed me dainty morsels of haggis and single malt (with ice) out of your shoe, whispering sweet nothings in my ear with your seductive, burring brogue, a cross between Kirsty Young and Carol Kirkwood....
Posted 1 year ago #
Reply »
You must log in to post.