excuse for most things not getting done. I'm playing skyrim. 150 plus hours of my life i'm not bothered about writing off
Justified Work Avoidance
(70 posts) (22 voices)
Barney, you saucy student. Despite my firm hand and exemplary discipline, I expect you would prove quite incorrigible. However many extra tutorials you demand.
I rather like the idea of a University of NewsBiscuit. Surely with the massed talents on here, we could cover most academic disciplines? Or at least have some vigorous massed debates?
"relatus, pre res"
Can I teach Dance in the Community?
I'll be the lecturer that no-one is quite sure what they teach.
I'll have a dusty little room, filled with random objects and a cat.
Once the students have overcome their natural curiosity, they'll rave about my classes, but never quite remember what the subject discussed was...
I can, and do, teach wine drinking.
I have been booked for a few sessions in the spring/summer at a local "glamping" site. The first one is for 20+ ladies on a hen do in jurts. They have also booked "Butlers in the buff" to serve the wine. I was concidering setting up a new line of business called "Wine buff" where I conduct a tutored tasting of specific wines whilst buck naked. What do you think? Got legs?
Even though we've never met, I now have in my mind a horrible image that just won't go .....
Obviously I'd lose a bit of weight and buff up a bit first.
yeah - doesn't help much if I'm being honest.
I'm not sure 20+ ladies on a hen do need to be taught how to drink. Still, if they pay up front it should be a good laugh.
Mary, I like the sound of your firm hand - I'm up for a session of massed debating if you are.
Hmmm Maybe its just a small number of 20+ ladies. I may have misunderstood.
Or maybe it's 20 small ladies?
And please clarify jurt. Do you mean:
a) an Icelandic plant?
b) a Mongolian tent (alternative spelling yurt)?
c) The act of injuring, killing, or inflicting any kind of pain or damage on a robot, cyborg, machine or any other partially, wholely or holey bionic item by means of poking, prodding or prying or any other way you can imagine with a great force and/or torque?
d) None of the above
e) all of the above
I have a nice arse and yet I'm asked to lecture about jack shit - bah!
SoB: I was thinking b) but now you've got me worried.
I was once called out to the practice; a gruff owner brought in a straggly looking terrier, not looking terribly poorly. I asked his name to log on the computer and I thought he said 'Jack Shit'.
'I'm sorry?' says I, 'Jack Shit' says he, clearer this time and unmistakeable.
Charming, thought I. 'Shall I search under Jack?' I said, a little prissily.
'JACK......SHIT ' says he, as though speaking to a hard of hearing numbskull...then he did a little chuckle and said 'Mother were a Jack Russell, fatha were a Shih Tzu. Jack Shit he's called'.
He then proceeded to chuckle the whole way through the consult.
Until he got his bill.
How do I get my new puppy to stop biting? I haven't got any money to pay you with, but if you have any questions on soil microbiology I'd be happy to help.
Al, what's worked for me is having two of them, so they just bite each other!
Also, buying really heavy duty chew toys helps. It's because their puppy teeth start loosening off at about 8wks, but also due to the 'pack' instinct where they learn to hunt and kill by practising on their siblings.
What I've done too, is making sure the chew toys are clean, pop them in a bag, seal it, stick it in the freezer for a little while until it is chilled, then give them that to chew.
It's really helped the boys.
Puppies speak a)'puppy' and b)'bitch' language. (so ask JeniB to translate).
They do play biting; that is in their nature. It is normal. They learn their boundaries (ie. ouch, that fucking hurt) by a) the puppy that has been bitten too hard or too often, so it squeals loudly and walks away, ending the game or b) the bitch that is fed up MAY give a gentle bite but WILL get up and walk away, ending the game.
One of the most powerful 'punishments' to a dog is isolation from their pack. You are their pack.
SO...puppy mouths and bites you. Squeal, look away, and walk away. No eye contact, no attention, if possible leave the room.
ALSO...dogs have little perception of time. So 30seconds later you can walk back in as if nothing has happened- its the fact of seperation from pack leader/parent figure, rather than the length of time of seperation, that is relevant as a deterrent.
And please do not underestimate how fucking annoying it is for a large dog to mouth you every time you go near it. Your vet will tell you it doesn't matter, that its cute, that its not really painful or irritating at all. They will not mean it.
I had a young labrador with juvenile joint problems that needed to visit me regularly, each time persistently mouthing my hands painfully; when I put my hands in my pockets, he butted my bollocks. His owners smiled all the time.
Significant parts of him are in a jar on my shelf.
Is pulling their teeth out with pliers still allowed? I accept that I have made an assumption that at some time it was allowed.
Crikey! How did this turn into an episode of Animal Hospital?
Jeni - how do you prevent Mr B thinking the frozen chew is a nice chop for his dinner, and sticking it under the grill?
Easily SoB, he only ever opens the freezer to get ice for his whisky.
he has to get his own ice?
Only when he wants ice in his drink.
Many moons ago we went away for the weekend. We left the lodger in charge of feeding the dog from one of the just defrosted tubes of rather smelly offal in the fridge. Yep -he certainly did.
Lodger: "The mince was a bit runny"
mrs 4fun "Mince?"
Duke, Mark Twain once said ‘a man who holds a cat by it’s tail learns things he can learn no other way’. What would they be?
Jeni, why doesn’t your husband just stand his glass on your chest?
Because he values his life.
Thanks Ironduke and Jen,
I'll let you know how we get on, early doors promise though when Mrs O'Pecia bit me I shrieked and left the room without making eye contact, and it still seems to be working.........
DVO, you certainly MAY NOT pull your dog's teeth out with pliers.
Take your dog (and your chequebook) to the vet and ask politely for them to do it for you. After all, thats his job, and its not as if a vet steals your role by sitting around all day posting unfunny comments on this website, is it?
Oh, actually I see your point now. Homebase do nice pliers with groovy bits that don't catch the gum, if thats any help?
...and I always thought you were such a caring, tender wench, Jeni. Bang goes my fantasy of flying up to the frozen wastes of Scotchland and reclining on a tussock of heather whilst you fed me dainty morsels of haggis and single malt (with ice) out of your shoe, whispering sweet nothings in my ear with your seductive, burring brogue, a cross between Kirsty Young and Carol Kirkwood....
out of your shoe
What is this drinking out of a lady's shoe thingy? Can someone explain it to me?
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