Civil Service offices across the country are considering a massive deep-cleaning and health inspection as mysterious illnesses strike down many office workers on yet another Monday morning.
38 year old Andrea Chatham, has worked at the Home Office since she was 21 and has experienced ‘tummy bugs’ and ‘potential migraines’ almost every Monday since she started. “I can’t believe nothing’s been done about it before. Some of the senior managers have mystery illnesses on Fridays as well as Mondays which is really sad as it means that they probably can’t go off to their holiday homes for the weekend.”
Health officials have been divided about the situation. Independent inspection experts, HealthBoard, published a large example dossier on the quality of the main Home Office building in Westminster. It drew particular attention to the large areas of natural light and garden spaces, stating that the building is “a healthy and invigorating environment”. The Home Office’s internal health group responded to media queries with “CS Facilities Team is out of the office. Please try again on Tuesday.”
The Civil Service behaviour outlines state that inexplicable patterns of illness shown by staff should be addressed by their managers and disciplinary measures put in place if need be. However, when approached for further details on this rule most Human Resources officials were feeling “a bit peaky” and unable to come to the phone.
Surprisingly, the amount of staff members out of the office on Mondays did not reduce the level of internet access from Civil Service laptops, with data showing that visits to Foxy Bingo went up by approximately 300%.
Deep cleaning all the offices would make the buildings inaccessible for at least four days, at a cost of £348k. “I’m glad that finally we’ll see some changes,” noted Chatham. “Are you sure it’s only for four days? Never mind, I’ll just pull a sicky on the Monday to get a full week.”