After taking the world by storm with the iPod, iPhone and iPad, Apple are set to revolutionise the way we live yet again with the release of their new divination device, the iChing. Based on the classic Chinese book of changes that dates back to the second or third millennium BC, the iChing will enable anyone with sufficient disposable income to obtain guidance on their future while showing off on the train or in a coffee shop.
The iChing began as a project at Apple to maintain contact with the late Steve Jobs and allow him to remain “spirit on” with the business, but it was soon developed into the next must have consumer product. In a change from the original 2000 year BC model which was carved on bone, the iChing will have a shiny aluminium case and colour screen, but will retain the original calligraphy in a beautiful yet simple font.
The upgraded iChing will also bring in elements of Japanese culture, with all the error messages being written as Haikus. Examples include
“With blue screen horror
your pride and joy dies slowly
life may be over”
“Your battery fails
it must recharge
precedene is suspended”
Rival firms have been quick to see the potential and start development of their own cheaper devices. Steve Ballmer of Microsoft as already dubbed Apples effort “the ka-ching” and has announced that he will shortly be launching a Tarot device. Meanwhile Google are said to be working on a Ouija device, which is benefitting from collaboration with Edison, Einstein and Isaac Newton. Rumours on the internet suggest that viruses have already begun to circulate targeting the beta versions of these, with effects ranging from corrupted visions to hijacked Karma, plus reports of possesions via the Ouija device.
Meanwhile Apple have used the iChing to divine their own marketing slogan “Many possessions. It bodes well for him to have many possessions and great success.”, although Charles Darwin has commented via the Oujia board that “It’s utter bollocks”.
A joint Quaz and JeniB production.