The price of S&M services has ‘gone through the roof’ in recent years according to a cross-party Parliamentary committee. The 128-strong ‘Personal Services Insurance Committee’ has blamed the steep rise in the large number of companies encouraging punters to make spurious personal injury claims.
‘The names and details of MPs, sorry, customers are being sold on to companies, for up to £500 per referral.’ explained Tom Elkington, the chair of the committee. ‘Everybody in the industry knows that that they are taking these backhanders; one masked torturer described it to us as the S&M industry’s ‘dirty little secret.’’
‘The cost of an evening’s ritual humiliation has more than doubled in the last few years’ remarked one anonymous punter The Rt Hon John Doe ‘And the second I get home afterwards, there’s always a call from some shifty insurance company or other asking me if I have suffered any whiplash injuries. What damn fool kind of question is that? Of course I have; that’s what I’ve just paid for.’
The committee is pushing for Parliament to act as quickly as possible. ‘We believe it’s time for strict new measures to be introduced into the S&M industry’ declared Mr Elkington ‘Oh and they need to stop selling customers’ names onto the insurance industry too.’
The Association of British Insurers has agreed that radical reform was desirable. ‘We would like to act more decisively on this one’ explained a spokesman for the ABI ‘but unfortunately our hands are tied. Hang on, I’ll rephrase that...’