A bantam cock called Bertram has confessed he might have been behaving ‘a bit too much like TV talentless show tycoon Simon Cowell.’ Critics have rounded on Bertram (3), accusing him of strutting about, his chest puffed out, a ridiculous black crest a-quiver on his head.
‘There’s no ducking the issue,’ he confessed, in a rare interview with Fox News. ‘I’ve been ruffling feathers, feathering my own nest, insisting on being number one in the pecking order and generally flicking the bird. My behaviour was fowl.’
But even he has been surprised by the harshness of some of the pot-shots aimed at him.
‘People forget that, with my hawk-like eye for the main chance, last year I had audiences flocking to shows like The Eggs Factor and Britain’s Got Talons,’ he crowed. ‘Yet all the papers do is grouse about my dyed plumage and o-sprey-tanned neck wattles.
‘If this goes on, I might seriously consider migrating and starting a new career. I’ve always fancied writing a light contemporary novel, maybe from the female point of view. I reckon I’d be good at chick lit.’