David Attenborough's team of wildlife photographers have finally captured the elusive 3-bird roast on film, after staking out the bins at the back of Aldi.
The surprisingly dense member of the hard to swallow family has a tough reputation, and a unique call. "It can 'gobble', 'quack' and 'cluck', all at the same time", revealed Attenborough, "although the ‘quack’ and the ‘cluck’ are quite muffled."
The 3-bird roast rarely survives past December but the team found one that was at least two-thirds alive; a writhing, squirming affront to God. "This unique and grotesque creature isn't adapted to anything", explained Attenborough, "so we put it out of its misery with a hard sausage."
The team failed in their attempt to stuff the specimen, as it was a bit dry and smelled of kidneys.