Accused of strutting about, chest puffed out and ridiculous, unnaturally coloured crest a-quiver on his head, a bantam cock called Bertram has confessed he might have been behaving ‘a bit too much like TV talentless show tycoon Simon Cowell.’
In a rare interview with Fox News, Bertram (3) admitted he’s been ruffling a few feathers by insisting on being No. 1 in the pecking order. But even he’s been stung by the harshness of the criticisms.
‘I’m not ducking the issue, but it just seems like it’s open season on me. These attacks came out of a clear blue sky. People seem to forget that I’m the eagle-eyed, so-called bird brain who brought you shows like The Eggs Factor and Britain’s Got Talons,’ he crowed, osprey-tanned neck wattles trembling in the breeze.
‘If this goes on, I might seriously consider migrating to warmer climes and starting a new career. I’ve always fancied writing a light contemporary novel, maybe from the female point of view. I reckon I’d be good at chick lit.’