After seeing his suggestion of celebrating the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee by building a new royal yacht, at a cost to the taxpayer of £60m, rejected, Michael Gove has admitted that there is now ‘every chance’ that he’ll just get the Queen some flowers instead, ‘and maybe a Toblerone’.
Attempting to find an imaginative and thoughtful gift for special occasions, while seriously lacking in imagination and thoughtfulness, is a problem familiar to men all over the country. Wanting to make a good impression Gove had started thinking about what he could get for the Queen some time ago, but was struggling for inspiration. After months of frustration he settled for the traditional male fallback option of spending a lot of money, and was quietly impressed with his plan not to use his own cash to pay for it.
‘What do you get for the woman that has everything? It’s certainly a tricky one, so I thought we could try something that would make a real impression.’ explained the Secretary of State for Education, ‘Who wouldn’t be impressed if they were handed the keys to a yacht as a present? Even the Queen would love that I’m sure. Do yachts have keys? I don’t know. You get the idea though.’
Gove was even hoping that having his name down in writing as the person that suggested the yacht might result in a knighthood, but has dismissed suggestions that the whole episode shows he is out of touch with reality.
'Those spoilsports at No 10 went and rejected the proposal, just because it might upset a few people who’ve lost their jobs or their pensions or something. I can’t see me having any more ideas as good as this, so I’ll probably just get her a bunch of flowers from Tesco now. Maybe some chocolates too if they’re on offer.’
This is not the first time an inspired idea from the Surrey Heath MP has been scuppered by others. Wanting to do something special for his mum’s 50th birthday he suggested to his dad that they get her a car between them.
‘When I pointed out that I shouldn't have to pay much as I’d come up with the idea he refused to stump up the bulk of the £13,000 we needed. I had to knock that idea on the head too and I got her some Pollyfilla instead.’