Dear
Mrs Duffy / Mick Clogg /Rabid Cameroon *
I am most dreadfully sorry for calling you a
Bigot / Spigot / Lester Piggott.*
In my defence, I was only trying to be helpful to the
TV Producers / Electorate Seducers / Democratic Traducers*
Of course, what I meant to say was
Harlot / Zealot / Halibut *
It's been a long campaign and the idiot fixer - Kayleigh, an intern on a gap year - shouldn't have let me loose on the Public in the first place. When Kayleigh eventually climbs down from the roof of Party HQ, she will apologise to you herself.
Yours Sincerely / Merely / Hardly*
Gordon
* Delete as appropriate [i]
