The Health Protection Agency has today confirmed that cases of whooping and cheering are on the rise.
A report has found that people in their own homes who take it upon themselves to make these loud noises whilst watching their favourite reality shows are more likely to contract symptoms similar to the children's illness whooping cough.
Since the advent of the ‘red button’ audience participation has been steadily increasing. It is believed these levels are now reaching epidemic proportions.
A spokesman for Guerillascope, the agency that processes the overnight viewing figures, has confirmed that "this is the first time we have seen these figures in such large numbers. We have not seen figures on this scale since Big Brother began in 1999". The spokesman also suggested that “with the arrival of newer programmes such as Desperate Scousewives and Made in Chelsea we will not be surprised to see these figures sky rocket”.
In a bold move to contain this outbreak of the condition, GPs have been instructed by the Health Authority to prescribe patients who show symptoms of the disorder with a daily dose of the news. In extreme cases, patients will need to watch Sky News for a minimum of four hours a day, for a week. “This is the only course of action we can recommend at this time”, said Dr Legg of Albert Square, Walford.
The reality show makers are well aware of the hysteria their programmes create but they have no way of stopping it until their contracts run out.
The head of ITV2 was quoted as saying “without this interaction we could not survive another season of The Only Way is Essex, or Desperate Scousewives. As it is the majority of our viewers find it difficult to comprehend anything resembling a plot”
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
Whooping and Cheering causes Coughing and Jeering
(1 post) (1 voice)
Current rating::
-
Posted 1 year ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.