People who get fashionable body art in a foreign language are going to be forced to become 'at least conversational' in their chosen dialect according to new government proposals aimed at tackling the shortage of foreign language speakers in the UK.
Specifically aimed at the kind of people who return from a holiday in Corfu with a suitcase full of fake designer clothing, sunburn and a tatoo which is often inexplicably in Arabic or Hebrew.
"I was on holiday in Tenerife and decided to get a tatoo saying 'follow your heart' in Chinese down my forearm." Said George, a recruitment consultant from Basildon, and all round hair gelled, STD ridden horror show of a human being. "I guess I'd just got to that stage in my life you know? And in my first week back from holiday I topped the sales board at my place of work, so yeah I'd say there's some sort of deeper connection, and I've always been a very spiritual person, so it makes sense if you think about it."
"This is a great way for us to try and actually get some sort of productive use out of the UK citizens who otherwise just embarass us across the globe on their holidays." Said a government spokesperson. "All these people will be forced to, probably for the first time, open a book and start learning the language that they've tattooed themselves in. Once they've recovered from the shock that they've actually got the words 'gullible tourist' or 'pretentious twat' in a far eastern language permanently marked on their bodies, they can set about making new contacts and strengthening our trade links around the world."