Half million children across Britain are unhappy with their lives, research from the Children's Society suggests.
But the rival Grown Up's Society says that its members are 'comfortable' with the findings and can't understand what all the fuss is about.
'Most of our members lead busy lives,' said Joe Cleave, a society member, 'and can't be arsed with all this child centred bollocks. They've got their computer games, the tele, Macdonald's; and we've got the boozer, adult films, and wife swapping. It works fine for my family, we've got five or six kids and me and the wife are quite happy.
'The children? Who gives a fuck about them?'