London planners of the Olympic games awoke to the shock revelation that it wouldn’t be hosting the 2012 games as, it had for many years, believed it would. It seems that during the bidding process, Paris, and not London, received the most votes. London Mayor, Boris Johnson, was appalled by the announcement:
“I mean, really,” he said “they could have mentioned something a bit earlier. I was under the impression that we’d won the bloody bid, or some such. We’ve spend millions on erecting these buildings to house the games. Buildings that have no other bloody use”.
The legacy commission was quick to point out that it wasn’t all doom and gloom, as much of the infrastructure was necessary and that many of the venues would be put to good use, whether used for the Olympics or not. However, in a failure to provide a united front, it appears Mr. Johnson doesn’t share the views held by the commission:
“Most of these roads were only built for the games; the people living in this part of London [where the Olympic village is] can’t even afford cars. We’ve built buildings that have no other bloody use”.
The IOC claimed that it knew that Paris would win the bid some 4 months before the official announcement was made, but had shot two different videos: one to be shown in London and one to the rest of the world. Kanter Belj of the IOC games selection panel explains:
“Seb Coe is such a persuasive and dominating man, we didn’t know how to break it to him that we would be giving it [the games] to Paris. We broadcast the fake footage of us announcing ‘London’ and then just got some stock-footage of some Parisians looking surly and disappointed. Quite where our researcher was able to find such footage remains a mystery.”
“In fairness to us, we assumed that you guys would have worked it out a hell-of-a-lot quicker than this. The fact that we, in the end, had to actually tell you guys that it was- not a joke- but, well, maybe a non-truth shows that it is possibly your fault anyway. I mean, do you not care what France is doing? Whether they have also been preparing for an Olympics? At the very least, you have built some excellent buildings and it is not that we live in such a time that it can be argued this money could [have] been better spent”.
Seb Coe is believed to be so bitterly aggrieved by the news that he has taken to hiding and refuses to make any public appearances in the near future. Taking it as a personal slight and believing he has “let down” the whole country, his legal team have released one tear-soaked statement, on his behalf:
“It’s not even like these buildings have any other bloody use”.