Interrupting a walkabout in the West Midlands, Prime Minister Gordon Brown confirmed today that he will take full responsibility for finding someone to blame if the Labour Party loses the forthcoming election.
“I won’t blame anyone until we have lost of course, but it’s not looking good for Mandelson, Hain, that Harman woman or any other of the potential culprits if they lose the election.”
Mr Brown revealed that he has compiled a longlist of those who may be responsible “Clearly it features the entire cabinet plus Sue, Rupert Murdoch, everyone in Scotland, Nick Robinson and the entire BBC, my brother and of course my wife Sarah.”
“Throughout the campaign I’ve led from the front, set the best example, and haven’t made any mistakes, more than the others can say I suppose. They’re useless and aren’t capable of being in government. Most of them don’t even smile like I do.”
Mr Brown concluded that “I recall when Neil Kinnock lost the election he blamed himself. In retrospect he deserved it because of the silly mistakes he made. The miserable Welsh whinger.”
Following his statement Mr Brown insisted that “I must get on with my walkabout, I was just asking Mrs Hughes here if she'll be voting for me?"