Security staff at Tesco are bracing themselves for a massive shoplifting spree of miniature proportions following reports that hundreds more ‘little chefs’ have fallen on hard times.
‘We are starting to get worried, yes.’ said Catherine Weston, a security supervisor at Tesco in Henley. ‘We now think Antony Worrall Thompson was just a scout sent out by the collective to case our stores. A bit like an ugly bee.’
‘One little chef we can handle but this sounds like we could now be inundated by a whole swarm of the fuckers.’ she added.
She also expressed concerns that the police aren’t taking the threat seriously. ‘It took a carefully orchestrated sting to capture Antony and when we handed him over we were hoping they’d lock him up or, at the very least, tread on him. Instead they just lifted up the glass and let him go, which, after circling a hysterical woman and bumping into some windows, is exactly what he did.’
‘He’s probably told the rest of the hive exactly how to get here by now and we’re not sure how we’re going to cope. The police did suggest we try and pacify them with smoke, but after years working on roadside cafes, we’ve heard they’ve become immune to the smell of burning.'
In the store itself, Catherine has been busy preparing for the worst. ‘We’ve already suspended a big net over the cheeses and pre-rolled all our newspapers, but I don’t think it’ll be enough.’
‘If the situation gets really bad we might have to call upon customers to chip in and help. Even if they assist us in catching just a few, we’d be very grateful; every little chef helps.’