Ken Loach is to direct the sequel to Happy Feet after David Cameron called on the UK film industry to produce more blockbuster movies and less depressing shit about council estates. Cameron said National Lottery money will in future be directed at “mainstream” films about penguins that could become commercial successes, rather than “art house” cinema that no one watches, especially if it’s in French with subtitles.
Loach is set to bring his own unique style to the movie whose opening scene features a down-on-his-luck Mumble injecting heroin into a flipper after a heated argument with his tap-dancing coach and love interest, played by bisexual actor Colin Firth. As Mumble’s habit escalates and the quality of his tap-dancing suffers in proportion, he is dropped by Firth and shunned by the formerly pro tap-dancing penguin community of inner-city Glasgow.
Mumble’s problems only worsen when his run-down tenement is invaded by sexually mature sister Lucy who is desperately trying to hatch an egg she conceived to vicious Rockhopper penguin ‘Darren’, despite the flat’s lack of functional central heating and an en-suite bedroom. However, the pair’s fortunes turn when Mumble discovers an unexpected talent for cutting smack with a mixture of Vim and demerara sugar, which vastly increases its street value.
Loach said ‘Before long Mumble is driving around the estate in an Audi and sending parcels full of Waitrose fish fingers back to his hungry pals in Antarctica. The film contains a fairly ambiguous socialist message about not forgetting your antarctic roots and helping the disadvantaged by sending them frozen fish fingers. And we managed that without any CGI bullshit.‘
The film is not without a Loachian twist as we learn that Mumble’s dancing career is over after he injects dirty scag into his femoral artery resulting in the forced amputation of his right lower flipper-cum-foot thing. Film critic Mark Kermode said, ‘Mumble delivers a typically nuanced performance despite temperatures hovering around -30 degrees C . It’s looking good for a BAFTA’
Loach added, ‘The amputation is probably a metaphor for something. After that we had him driving an automatic as we didn’t want to compromise on realism.’