Britain is coming under increased pressure from bureaucrats within the European Parliament to rename the letter W, following the publication of the latest report from the Euro Curvature Committee. This somewhat maverick committee is no stranger to controversy, having become infamous in 2003, following its ‘straight banana’ ruling.
The report states that the “pointy” nature of the lower angles that are routinely used when writing the character ‘W’, are “significantly more reminiscent of two ‘V’s than two ‘U’s”.
Committee chairman, Klaus Weiss, defended the report’s key recommendation, stating “Ve didn’t just do this villy-nilly. Ve vere very vary about it” adding that, in time, he felt that the change would be “velcomed”.
The British custodians of the English alphabet, the Royal Abecedarian Society, are insistent that they will not be “bullied” into making this change. However, early attempts to gain trans-Atlantic support stalled, when it appeared that the US had already renamed the letter to “dubya” in a previous government.
A home-grown campaign to “Save Our W” is having greater success, having acquired the celebrity endorsement of Jonathan Ross. Mr Ross gave a public display of his acrimony at a press conference earlier today by holding up a photo of Mr Weiss and stating, “I just have one word to say, ‘wancour’”.