The RSPCA today has voiced concerns that Primary and Junior schools and resorting to animal abuse in their attempts to stage recitals and concerts.
Due to budget cuts local authorities are urging schools to utilise "Animal Orchestras" rather than teaching children to play real but expensive instruments.
David Proudfoot of the RSPCA states "We first noticed that tortoise and turtles were being used as timpani and percussion instruments, but as time as gone by the trend seems to be escalating to more and more avian and mammalians being used"
The recent Christmas recital season in schools raised a few eyebrows and concerns amongst parents. St Stephens Junior school, in Bristol is one such school that regularly stages "Animal Orchestras".
A parent of a child as St Stephens noted "What we thought was to be a clarinet recital was actually seven, ten year olds viciously beating and strangling a gaggle of geese. As the concert went on we were exposed to more and more barbarity. The supposed Tuba players were just kids enthusiastically fisting badgers, the guitarists were just stretching and throttling cats whilst the Bassoon players were duck plucking in time to the conductors’ baton."
Mr Phil Jones the music teacher at St Stephens pointed out that this term Cornet recitals had been replaced by "Puffin twatting" - "the timbre and the tone of a well struck Puffin is a joy to hear, and the relative ease and simplicity of the instrument means it's the perfect starter for first time musicians, it's rapidly becoming the instrument of choice for your average seven year old, overtaking the ukulele and the recorder, and parents too can join in with excellent results."
Mr Jones further commented "And, if you close your eyes, it's quite difficult to detect any difference from the more traditional instrument-based school orchestra."
More soon (Hat tip to dvo4fun)