I bought a gift for someone yesterday, an arrangement of flowers and ivy planted in a small wicker hamper full of compost topped with a bow. There was a label stating "The contents of this hamper are not for human consumption". I'm so glad they thought of that. I'd hate the recipient to make a primula sandwich or sprinkle the compost on their breakfast cereal.
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I'd never have guessed......
(22 posts) (14 voices)
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dvo4fun
offlineMemberYep, good to know that there are people out there taking such good care of us.
As a child I used to love Primula spread cheese and tomato sandwiches so it would have certainly been a useful warning to me. Otherwise I'd have been straight in there with the spreading knife without checking whether it was in fact a smooth white creamy paste like substance or a live flower with leaves.
Posted 1 year ago # -
allmyownstunts
offlineMemberare we in the same ball park as the milk cartons that say: 'this pack contains six servings'?
'Pack' is a bugbear of mine. Download our healthy living pack'! 'Register for our information pack!'
It makes me think of nose-picking. That 'cckk' noise as the bogey breaks free from the nostril.
Sorry, Major, for trespassing upon your thread. Just struck a chord, is all. To haul things back on-topic: how lovely that you gave someone flowers! Are you single? Can you cook?
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberI don't believe how ludicrous things have become!
I've just opened a box of MatchMakers, and there's a game on the corrugated cardboard thingy that sits on top of the chocs.
The aim is for two players to take an end of a MatchMaker each, snap it, and the one with the larger piece is the winner.At the bottom is the following statement:"Please act responsibly and carefully in order to avoid injuring yourself or others when playing games. Young children should be supervised by an adult at all times."
I kid you not.
Just how many people are injured or killed each year through inappropriate snapping of a chocolate stick?
Posted 1 year ago # -
medici2471
offlineMemberA bag of salted peanuts, in the small print - "May contain traces of nut". No joke, wish I'd saved the packet!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Jeni, that warning is clearly aimed at over-competitive men, who, without proper supervision, would be playing the MatchMaker snapping game with a sledgehammer and chainsaw.
Posted 1 year ago # -
thisisall1word
offlineMember@JeniB - I find your comment very insensitive having just lost 17 of my close family over the Xmas period to Match Makers snapping. If only one of them could have read maybe so many innocent (ish) lives could have been saved.
I will not rest until every pack of Match Makers comes with a warning played via a tiny stereo system inbedded into the box, hopefully read by Simon Bates.Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberI apologise whole-heartedly.
May I suggest that "Simes" is accompanied by the music to "Our Tune"?Posted 1 year ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberScroat. There was a bloke in Crewe who lay across a railway line to commit suicide. Unfortunately the train changed tracks and took off his legs instead. I know I shouldn't find this funny but...
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberA friend of a friend worked as a counsellor in a very remote, northern part of Scotland.
He had a chap referred to him who had attempted to take his own life.
This guy, a crofter, had taken his shotgun and walked out to a cliff-edge, intent, I believe, on blowing his brains out in such a way as to propel his body over the cliff. A kind of 'belt and braces' approach if you will.
Unfortunately, on his way across the dark and desolate field towards his final destination, he tripped in a rabbit hole, smacked his face off the barrel of his shotgun, and knocked himself out.
For some reason, known only to himself, he'd taken his sheepdog with him. The dog, realising that his master needed help, headed to the nearest building which happened to be the home of the local police-officer, who found the crofter, and took him to hospital.In terms of failed suicide attempts, it's pretty feeble...
Posted 1 year ago # -
There was some sage advice on a box of matches I saw once: "Keep away from children".
It's like they knew me...
@Scroat Re: Simon Bates / Our Tune. I sent that one in. It was a game me and a friend played to try and get bogus tragedies read out by Simon "the Master" Bates...
Not really, but I did hear that sorting out the subtle piss-takes was a daily chore for the people who worked on his show...
Posted 1 year ago #
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