The British National Party today stated their intention to open a number of Hatemonger stores across the country to aid the economy and provide a place where bigots and Xenophobes can once again air their views to sympathetic staff without fear of reprisal or prosecution.
BNP spokesman John Jarvis confirmed that this is part of a key pledge in their manifesto saying "thanks to the big supermarkets with stores all over the place residents of small villages are forced to shop with people of every race and background not to mention dealing with constantly changing staff. This puts them at a serious disadvantage if they want to nip down the road for a paper, milk and casual racism with a familiar face. What we are planning is a replacement for your local corner shop where you can openly complain about the amount of corner shops without getting lambasted by Larry Liberal though of course people will have to get used to them only being open from eight till four and closed for an hour lunch"
Elsie Lovell, a senior citizen from Surrey was supportive of the idea saying she missed the old days when she was free to make outrageous racial slurs to John the butcher who would nod his head in agreement enthusiastically while handing over some offal for her husband Charlie's tea. "These days it's all meaningless chit-chat and disingenuous remarks about the weather or Coronation Street which is all very well but i need somewhere i can moan about the darkies, poles and gays on TV"
In a move designed to cash in on the BNP plans Tesco has announced it will open a retro checkout lane from 1975 in some of its bigger stores which will only accept British goods put through it and be fully soundproofed from the rest of the customers. Each checkout will be staffed by a heavy set tattooed man in his forties who will attempt to procure some prejudiced banter with a series of inflammatory statements about housing and crime coupled with some old school racist lingo referring to 'wogs' and 'nig-nogs' in order to give users the full historical experience