Germany was pondering invading Poland once again in a 'Back to Basics' Foreign Policy that has enraged her neighbouring countries.
"We live in a time of great social and economic uncertainty and bold actions are needed to unify Europe. And let's face it, we nearly did it last time so why not give it another go. Third time lucky and all that." Her incendiary speech continued, "Last time we singled out a certain number of communities that we shouldn't have but perhaps this time we will choose softer targets, like the Welsh or roadside rose sellers. I'm sure we'll have some 'sympathisers' if you know what I mean." There was no laughter from the stunned assembled press.
Her speech was barely finished when a visibly grinning David Cameron was heard to whisper to an aid, "it's like a dream come true, recommission the Spitfires we're going Gerry bashing!" Nicolas Sarkozy was not available to comment but was thought to be drawing up plans for partial surrender. Italy could not be reached but a certain retired Prime Ministers was thought to have rushed into the Italian parliament and hushed everyone with the phrase, "just hold on for a moment, let's listen to what she has to say." Russian premier Alexandr Putin simply sat in a giant leather chair stroking a large white cat, drumming his finger tips together delaring the situation to be,"interesting".
Plans for the next G8 conference in Munich have been scrapped and President Obama is said to be relaxed about the situation as he was quoted as saying, "it's fine, we don't need to get involved for another 4 or 5 years yet. However, we will closely monitor Pearl Harbour this time though Japan, don't try anything sneaky. However, we will be withdrawing all, and I mean all, troops from Alaska, so go for it there if you want."