Metropolitan Police have today confirmed they are going to look at arming parents with blades in a last gasp effort to cut knife crime. The pilot scheme will be using the well known principle of parents taking things up to make them ‘uncool’ that was first seen with baseball caps in the 90’s
‘We first noticed the effect when parents starting wearing baseball caps to be cool’ Bernard Hogan-Howe, Commissioner of the MET told a press conference. ’We saw an immediate decline in those under 25 wearing them as soon as dad put on a Mickey Mouse cap when on holiday. The headwear went from being worn by the hip-hop generation to being taken over by the hip-op generation.’
‘We shall give parents a knife, but unlike the ones held by their kids, the parents’ knives will be decorated with holiday destinations and ‘funny’ phrases. ‘I beat Nemesis at Alton Towers’, ‘Dad’s rule OK’ and a more middle class ‘My other knife is a fish knife’ are just some of the designs to be given out’.
We spoke to one 17 year old whose parents have signed up to the scheme. ‘If my old man starts carrying a knife around with him, me and my crew won’t take ours out of the house. The problem is he’s taking it to far. To make sure I keep out of trouble he has started shoplifting, mugging, and taking class A drugs’.
Some critics of the scheme have said the theory the pilot is based on is a flawed one. Jenny Chapman, Labour MP for Darlington told us, ‘We tried a similar thing here with the principle, but found despite showing parents ‘at it’ on the big screens in town, teenage pregnancy remained high.