The street synonymous with family values, community celebration and low cost dental caries was threatened with fresh rioting yesterday, after youths allegedly offered police the chocolate toffee finger. Within minutes, disturbances broke out leaving the street a caramel swirl of smoke. Youths threw toffee pennies, ignoring the road choc blocks. The authorities denied that their response was a vanilla fudge, and pointed to a hard centre of offenders.
Specially dressed forces, including smiling men in red jackets and risibly tall hats were deployed to little effect as they attempted to protect a woman attending a Jane Austen hen night. Meanwhile, it’s understood that the disturbances provided a welcome distraction to other local confectionery-themed criminal activity, including break-ins by men dressed in black and abductions of women attending a community belly dancing class.