With their title hopes fading fast Liverpool are looking to strengthen their squad ready for an assault on the FIFA racism league table. A Liverpool spokesman said "We are looking for world class racists, the kind of people that can change the whole complexion of a game with the sort of insults that only those that lived through slavery would normally hear".
Rumours of a shock return to the club by Steve Harkness was quickly denied however. "Whilst Steve was a great racist, the game has moved on, and I don't think the kind of abuse that was commonplace in his day is up to the standards of the modern game". However, the spokesman was delighted to confirm that Alan Hansen and Ron Atkinson will be joining the backroom staff.