The protestors are appalled at the annual cull of lame, missing wheel, seat damaged trolleys. They claim that these servants of modern day shopping should be allowed to see out their natural days in peace after many years of hard work
The store maintains that the cull is necessary to keep up standards as these trolleys are habitually straying from the store, as evidenced by the continued employment of trolley cowboys to round up the most bewildered of the wired community. Iceland also say that those trolleys whose front wheels continually spin are deliberately attempting to attack old ladies with sticks, children and other trolleys and this nuisance has to cease
Some badly treated trolleys decide to commit suicide and these numbers are increasing, many throwing themselves into streams, canals and rivers. The protestors are keen to emphasise that every supermarket has a duty of care to these trolleys and more should be done to ensure the elderly are not left to rust or end up on a scrapheap
The Confederation of Supermarket Managers has stated that trolleys should not expect the same rights as the chimps used on the tills. However protestors insist that “Wired is not weird. These are intelligent caring creatures. How would you feel being pushed around by an Essex mother without a mind of her own?
We must look after these defenceless creatures, harnessed, pulled, pushed, bashed, ridden on by screaming kids, being made to carry many hundreds of kilos of shopping every day. It’s inhumane, they are loyal and on duty 24x7 in some cases and for what? Being smelted down when their time is done”
Latest reports is that that a mass breakout from Hailsham Tescos store has been thwarted by a crack Police Trolley Defence squad and several arrests made