In an emergency passing of legislation Gordon Brown has cleared the way for Lord Mandelson to personally count every vote cast in the forthcoming general election. The legislation known as the “Voting and Counting Assurance Act 2010” will, according to Gordon Brown, “Ensure that rules are followed properly and that public confidence in the voting and counting system can be assured. Nothing is more important that electoral integrity. It was a brilliant idea of Peter's."
David Cameron and Nick Clegg were said to be “Outraged” by the plans but both prime ministerial candidates were later forced to admit that they they were planning to introduce similar legislation if they were elected when details of their secret policies were leaked to the press. Mr Cameron then accused Mr Brown of “Stealing my idea” and Nick Clegg criticised the “First past the post counting system and vowed that all party leaders would be entitled to count the votes. Three times."
When questioned Alex Salmond of the SNP admitted he had though of introducing the idea for every vote cast for the Scottish Parliament and the Welsh Assembly but abandoned it “As it would only extend the term of office by 15 minutes.”
Government estimates of how long it might take Lord Mandelson to count the votes point are in the region of five years during which time Gordon Brown will remain as prime minister, however Mr Brown revealed that during practice in the run-up to introducing the new system “Lord Mandelson had reached 19.874,267 votes and then forgotten where he was up-to and had to start all over again. Oh dear."