The Catholic Church is taking heart from the news this week that Father Martin O’Flaherty has been awarded an honorary medical certificate by St Thomas Hospital for his work in the early diagnosis of a boy’s testicular cancer. The Pope spoke of his own ‘iridescent sense of pleasure’ on hearing that O’Flaherty has been properly recognised ‘for his diligence in the vestry shortly before choir practice.’
Father O’Flaherty was also recognised by 32 other boys, all in perfectly good health apart from one boy for whom the priest had ‘generously applied anti-chaffing cream in a private recess.’ ‘Each boy has been gracious enough to write to me personally,’ said O’Flaherty, ‘expressing their gratitude for my often spontaneous medical examinations on various dates between 2008 and February 2011.’
O’Flaherty’s current cellmate, Big Daddy McKenzie, said he agreed with the judge in dismissing the priest’s plea for mitigation as ‘nothing but poppycock’; ‘which, ironically,’ said McKenzie, ‘is all he’s getting now.’