David Cameron has this morning thrown the whole of Europe into crisis by using the UKs veto to prevent changes to the Eurovision Song Contest. 'The proposals were not in the interests of the UK' explained the Prime Minister. 'The proposed changes to the voting system were not in my opinion conducive to ensuring that the best song wins. I'm just as fed up with those Balkan states voting for each other as anybody. Why on earth Blue didn't do better last time beggers belief'.
The consequences of the move could prove to be massive. BBC political editor Nick Robinson tweeted 'This could lead to a two-tier Eurovision, with the rest of Europe taking part in the glitz and glamour of the main contest, and Britain sending over a busker to play for spare change at the bus-stop outside.'
It could also herald the end of the coalition government, with Nick Clegg thought to be furious about the move. 'He loves Eurovision' admitted Vince Cable. 'He makes me go to a party at his house to watch it every year. He's accepted higher university fees and public sector cuts, but if he doesn't get to see the dregs of the UK music industry being ritually humiliated by a load of tin-pot European countries again next May, I really can't see him being able to work with the Tories any more.'