The music industry has today announced that the reason all modern songs sound the same is because essentially, they are. The news comes just days before the X-Factor final, and weeks before the elusive Christmas number one is revealed.
‘The issue we have across all genres is that we have run out of note combinations’ an industry insider told us. ‘We have a total of 12 notes at our disposal but note combinations are like oil, eventually you use them all up and have no more. What we are left with is the music equivalent of wind farms. It means well, and may even look good, but the output is a bit weak. You only have to listen to Scouting for Girls to realise that all their songs are just a lyrical variation of their last.’
It is believed the last remaining note combinations were used up by Bjork in the 90’s. At the time her music was described as ‘new’, ‘experimental’ and ‘shit’ by many experts, but today’s news confirms that she was merely scraping the barrel of the last remaining and unwanted combinations.
Simon Cowell denied that running out of original songs would have any impact on the charts, but he is concerned that the industry is in crisis. 'There's loads of classic songs that I own the rights to. I'm more worried that we might run out of talentless morons to murder them.'
an acoustic hat-tip Waylandsmithy