The Grim Reaper yesterday denied claims that he and his party were planning a so called ‘Death Tax’ on elderly electors. Speaking at the fourth and final election debate focussing on “population and life-expectancy”, The Reaper a.k.a. Odin De’ath claimed that sufficient soul-savings could be harvested over the next few years solely by slashing government bureaucracy.
“FACE IT, SOME OF THOSE WHITEHALL BEAUREAUCRATS LOOK LIKE THEY ARE JUST WAITING FOR ME TO COME AND PICK THEM UP ANYWAY... SERIOUSLY THOUGH, THIS IS A NEW CENTURY AND WE HAVE RADICAL NEW MEASURES FOR THE DEMOGRAPHIC DIFFICULTIES WE ARE CURRENTLY FACING. ONE OF OUR KEY PROPOSALS IS TO CLOSE A NUMBER OF UNELECTED GOVERNMENT QUANGOS THAT ARE WASTING THIS NATION BILLIONS, INCLUDING THE SO CALLED ‘NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE’ - THAT SHOULD MAKE HUGE SAVINGS FOR A START…”
Polling research conducted directly after the debate showed that Mr De’ath was generally well-received by the electorate, with many former Labour supporters saying that he came across as ‘a lot less dour’ than the current Prime Minister. Hilda White a former Labour supporter put a question to the leaders about the pensions crisis: “He had a real air of gravitas that the other leaders lacked. And he was much better at eye contact than Brown especially - he seemed genuinely interested in me as a person.” declared the 88 year-old widower. Asked whether the encounter has changed her voting intentions Mrs White replied “Yes. I. Will. Vote. For. Mr. De’ath. Next. Thursday.”
Mr De’ath looked visibly relieved following the debate, claimed to be happy that he had finally got his message across to the electorate. “NOW THAT THE PUBLIC HAVE HEARD WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, THEY CAN SEE THAT THE UGLY FALSEHOODS PERPETRATED BY THE OTHER PARTIES ABOUT ME ARE COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED. THIS FINAL DEBATE HAS THROWN THE ELECTION WIDE OPEN; WATCH OUT MESSRS BROWN, CLEGG AND CAMERON THIS IS A FOUR HORSE RACE NOW …”