For obvious reasons, my neighbourhood has recently been inundated by packs of roving canvassers, each touting their respective candidates, and extolling the virtues of their respective parties. Unfortunately, these buggers do have a rather annoying habit of rolling up at the most inconvenient of times, most commonly, just as we are dishing up the evening meal.
However, I may have inadvertently stumbled across a solution to this particular problem, which I thought I would share with my fellow Biscuiteers, on the off chance that some of you might find it useful.
On answering the door to a canvasser, and before they have a chance to launch full flow in to their well rehearsed preamble, I will immediately interrupt with: "What do you guys plan to do about the bins then?" After getting over the initial shock of having stumbled across someone who is actually willing to engage in conversation with them, they will usually then endeavour to answer my question.
A reasonable enough exchange you might think - and you'd be perfectly right - if it weren't for just one minor point. There's absolutely nothing wrong with refuse collection in my area. It's perfect. In fact, we're extremely lucky where I live, inasmuch as, we happen to benefit from a well organised, regular, efficient and totally hassle free system of domestic waste disposal.
It's great listening to all of the promises and hearing all about the various strategies that each party say they will adopt, in order to: "resolve what is undoubtedly a very important local issue". So much so in fact, that it's almost a pity that the issue doesn't actually exist at all.
Talking to my next door neighbour last night, it would appear that, besides my own amusement, the approach I have adopted also has some other hidden benefits. Whereas he has been hassled by five separate groups so far, I have only had to endure three canvasser visits to date.
I can only conclude that this is evidence of the various parties having already begun to collaborate, which I think you'll all agree, does bode well for a future that may well include a hung Parliament. It gives me a nice warm feeling inside knowing that, in some small way, I am personally responsible for fostering this new era of co-operation, as the canvassers are patently warning each other to: "avoid the complete nutter at number 21".
Personally, I plan to vote for the candidate who actually has the balls to respond:, "what the shuddering fuck are you talking about, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the bloody bins you lunatic?"