Road tests of Volvos new intelligent car have been suspended as the vehicle currently refuses to leave its garage.
The car is a heavily modified V60 and has many safety features to avoid road accidents, including Automatic Road Sensing Equipment and Co-operative Lane Integration Technology. The result of this technology is that anybody can get in this vehicle and ignore all normal sensible road behaviour and yet still get to their destination without noticing the impact that their driving has on other road users, much like any other Volvo driver.
The car was fine until the testing got to Birmingham where upon it has since refused to leave its overnight garage, citing ‘local Fuck-wits in Citroen Saxo’s and a mad man in an Audi that tried to hump me from behind’, as the reasons for not moving. ‘We believe it’s suffering from post traumatic stress bought on by a rush hour experience on the Aston Expressway’ explained a technician.
This isn't the first time that the intelligent Volvo has had issues on British roads has had trouble as his driver explained. 'V60 has a habit of playing Angry Birds on the Satnav when in traffic jams and then grumbles when I ask him where we are as he loses his bearings. Also their was an incident when he tried a pass on a cute little Giulietta, but she blew him away and he sulked for days after that.'