In a surprise joint statement last night, President Nicolas Sarkozy, Chancellor Angela Merkel and Prime Minister David Cameron announced a radical solution to the Eurozone debt crisis.
With Mrs Merkel on the verge of having to explain to German taxpayers that they face being held jointly and severally liable for the debts of 17 nations, some of which are economically incontinent on a truly epic scale, it became clear that Germany needed to detach itself from the weaker economies of the Eurozone.
Mr Sarkozy became aware of the Anglo-German discussions when he was awoken by the sound of giggling and footsteps in the corridors of a Brussels hotel. He used an ingenious solution of his own to ensure French involvement in the plan, threatening to blockade the Champagne region of France unless his demands were met. Unofficial Downing Street sources have hinted that Mr Cameron capitulated on this point due to worries about the effect this could have on future meetings of the Bullingdon Club.
From 1st June 2012, Germany and France will leave the European single currency and adopt the Pound for all domestic and foreign use. Regional variations of banknotes will be produced for use in both countries, though production will remain at the Royal Mint in Llantrisant, South Wales. It is believed some of the toughest negotiations centred over the designs for the regional notes, with rumours abounding that Mr Cameron has secured a scene from the battle of Agincourt on the back of the French £20 note.
Justin DeSouza-Smyth, an Analyst at specialist currency traders Margin & Fullpockets Ltd commented: “More insightful minds in the European markets have seen this coming for a number of years now. It’s the only way out for the Germans and the French. What they did with the Euro was a bit like your average middle class person asking a dozen people from the nearest sink estate if they’d like to be added to your bank account as a joint holder.”
Meanwhile, Spain has announced that it intends to revert to pieces-of-eight.