The so-called 'Four Horsemen' have attended a public 'getting-to-know-you' surgery near their Apocalypse Party headquarters in Clapham, just outside Bedford, today.
Pestilence, War, Famine and Death arrived in typical style, riding their colourful charges through the gathered crowd who were clearly treating them with some trepidation. Famine struggled to explain to the wide-eyed audience, between huge mouthfuls of raisin flapjack, that unfortunately Hades had needed to stay at home 'to look after the dog'.
'We're getting a bit old for all this end-is-nigh business,' boomed War during an open question session, sipping on a mochaccino in the Starbucks cafe on Milton Road. 'We had to warm Death up a fair bit just to get him looking reasonable. I can barely sit astride my noble red steed these days, let alone haul my backside over to Armageddon to kick off some world-beating ruckus, so we've decided to turn to politics instead.'
Pestilence was notably quieter than expected during the meeting. 'I've heard that this Swine Flu is still knocking around,' he said from behind a blue surgical mask, 'so I'm being really careful whilst I'm out and about. I wouldn't want to catch anything nasty.'
The three main political parties are said to be 'very worried' that the Apocalypse Party were making a good showing in the election campaign this year, fearing that the apocalypticists more 'global' public appeal would attract a decent number of voters, especially after Gordon Brown's faux pas in Rochdale.
Ethel Markins, from nearby Oakley, said she was 'pleasantly surprised' at the attitude and manner of the harbingers of doom. 'They weren't anywhere near as nasty as popular culture would have us believe,' she explained, 'and they answered all of the questions very clearly and honestly, although I can't say that their policies on enforced euthanasia were very popular.'
Death refused to sit, citing a preference to stand amid concerns about people in the front row catching sight of his underwear. He was, however, seen to point a bony finger in the direction of several of the elderly audience members whist sporting a large toothy grin. He was later approached by their coach driver after being spotted 'tinkering' under the front axle of the group's leased coach. 'I wasn't cutting anything,' he said when confronted by the driver, 'and that's not brake fluid, it's .. errm .. caramel sauce from my apple lattice.'
Opposition parties are hoping that the Christianity angle will work against the former biblical heavyweights. Patrick Hall, former Labour MP for Bedford, said, 'I'm trying to persuade people that these horsemen are essentially just Jehovas Witnesses on horseback,' before turning purple, clutching at his throat and falling lifelessly to the ground.
No further commentary has been forthcoming from other candidates as yet.
