Celebration took place today in Switzerland at FIFA’s headquarters as unforeseen complications lead to delays in the publication of documentation naming and shaming official from the ISL. Blatter who was quoted recently outlining that “corruption happens, the two parties should shake hands and walk off the stand friends”, denies that any anti anti-corruption measures where implemented in the suspension of real progress with the document’s exposure.
“It is a well know fact that the gentlemen of FIFA require philanthropic donations in order maintain their simple lives,” quoted Blatter “we just don’t talk about it, it’s vulgar.” Ethical suggestions arose when Blatter later stated that “each team carefully selected by (himself), is overseen by (himself).”
Following the World Cup scandal that was finally quelled, only when Blatter closed the incident, shock has escalated as to the legitimacy of the legal problems surrounding the ISL's exposure. Blatter did admit that, upon appointing himself personal legal adviser to the President of FIFA his work load has increased but refuses to admit that that will limit his roles elsewhere.
Sholto Davidson, who until recently lived at 19 Strasse, Zurich, shed light on some of the extracurricular activities within the fortress: “They’re there all night partying, drinking and listening to Tiesto. My mailbox has been smashed to pieces so many times I had to move. They even scolded my chocolate Lab, Adi, but fortunately they apologised after his walk otherwise I would have hit the roof.”
Growing concern came from the FA, who whilst continuing to severely stroke their chins in condemnation, decided to write a letter of complaint which was shockingly assassinated in a queue outside Victoria Tube Station. As of yet no one has claimed responsibility for the attack, but the Royal Mail has issued a statement to the police outlining a description of the assailant: 5’7’’-5’7.5’’, round faced, balding, aged between 70-80 with a thick French accent. Scotland Yard are pursuing all leads and have appealed to the public for any witnesses.
Anti anti-corruption speciality Hansi Cronje stated “(he’d) wager a pretty penny on some jiggery-pokery taking place,” after disappearing into a nearby Ladbrooks.
Blatter as of yet has been unavailable to comment further on the allegations of anti anti-corruption but insists via a statement on FIFA's website that he and his personal legal adviser are assuring that nothing is swept underneath his beautiful new fox fur carpet.