Aaron Amis, 23, will be sleeping on a friend’s floor tonight after a misunderstanding over a movie rental saw him evicted from their flat by girlfriend Cassie.
Aaron said they both came home early from work yesterday and agreed it would be nice to have a bottle of wine and a pizza while watching a DVD, followed by an early night. “Cassie said she hadn’t watched a good 5-tissue movie for ages, and it would get her in the mood. She said I could choose one as a surprise. I was off to Blockbuster like Usain Bolt.”
However, Aaron’s choice of Jism Drinking Chingford Vixens wasn’t what Cassie had in mind. “I was well annoyed,” she said. “I was thinking Beaches, Terms of Endearment…even ET. I fancied a good cry, especially with Aaron there to hold me. It would have been so dreamy. Then he came back with that…trash.”
Aaron said he had first achieved five tissues in his early teens with an old video of Barbarella, starring the young Jane Fonda in a series of revealing costumes, before moving onto stronger stuff – such as kitchen roll. He was delighted that Cassie wanted to share his passion. “She even said not to get anything with animals in it, as she found that too much, so I thought some regular guy-girl action would be fine.”
However, after walking the streets for hours and failing to sleep in the back of his car, Aaron says he has seen the error of his ways and will do anything to get Cassie back. But Cassie has other thoughts.
“After he went I watched some of the DVD, just out of curiosity,” she said. “I’d never really been with anyone before Aaron and I didn’t know men could be that big or keep going so long. Anyway, this morning, this hunk called Rod came to fix the boiler. A cup of tea and a full service later, I’m now on a 24/7 parts and labour contract. I don’t think I’ll be needing Aaron again.”