Women's Equality Groups around the world were dismayed yesterday by the release of new statistical information which reveals that only 4% of sex crimes are committed by women. Despite it being an improvement on the 1% recorded in 1999, feminists are disappointed by the slowness of the gains. Said one spokeswomen "This says something very alarming about how women are not sexually unempowered by society. They feel repressed and inhibited by patriarchal structures which restrict their self expression, such as the law or consideration of basic human rights."
She continued. "In 21st century Britain, women can play rugby, drink beer and "pull", but still stop short of forcing unwanted sexual attentions onto another person. Until they learn to break through this barrier, they will never really be equal to men."
When our reporter suggested that perhaps men should offend less rather than women offend more, her response was scathing. "Typical bloody man. When women want to play, you want to take your ball home."