Nobody else has been seen going in or out of the small city of tents for several weeks now, but surveillance has revealed a number of small disturbances within the complex, apparently caused by scuffles between the protesters themselves.
Last night the silence was broken, when journalists intercepted a news bulletin on the Occupy State TV Station, where Gareth Herringbone-Pant, a high ranking member of the Occupy community, has staged a coup and overthrown the Interim Government, declaring himself Dictator of the Occupy Tents. Soon after, some of the bigger boys were promoted to border guards and posted at checkpoints around all exists to the tent city and a printing press could be heard churning out what’s believed to be a new form of Occupy money, possibly bearing the likeness of Michael Moore’s face. If true, this will replace the cigarette-based economy which has been prevalent for most of November.
Today the first insider to have escaped the clutches of the totalitarian commune spoke of his ordeal “It’s like prison in there, or at least like prison from the film stir crazy – I certainly didn’t want to ask anybody for a cheeseburger”
It seems that, during the last few weeks, the protestor camp has divided into a number of distinct social strata, with some members forced to live in ghetto-like squalor and roll cigarettes all day, while a much smaller group of “ra-ra Oxbridge types” seems to have all the decent tents; some of which are now being stacked on top of each other to give the impression of precarious high rise penthouse structures and even going so far as to set up a private schooling tent, a members club and a 9 hole golf course.
At 9:00 this morning, following a rally by the new government in the 8ft x 8ft Herringbone-Pant Square outside their parliament tent, Herringbone-Pant sent a formal message to the IMF, in which he is believed to have asked for $8 trillion to bail-out of their faltering economy “for rizla and coffee and shit” and stating that the rapidly devaluating Occupy Dollar will be pegged to the US Dollar until further notice. The world watches with general contempt for the next development.
Our insider later told us that the occupy proletariat are “not sitting down, any more than usual, and taking this” and revealed that “some of the workers are thinking about setting up a occupy-occupy protest in Herringbone-Pant square”