The police have warned members of the public to be careful after a Jeremy Paxman escaped from the BBC and is roaming wild in the streets of London. It is thought that animal rights protesters broke into Television Centre and freed the Paxman from Studio 4 after the filming of a Newsnight special.
A Metropolitan Police spokesman gave the following warning. ‘The Paxman is an aggressive beast especially when it believes that it is being outsmarted or is confused by modern culture. The public are in danger of receiving cutting remarks about the level of their classical education and a biting comment if they are at all connected with finance or politics. The chance of a life threatening wound is slight, but injuries inflicted can be very painful and any bruised egos should be wrapped in affection from a close friend or relative. If cornered then try engaging it in a conversation about 18th century opera or some other lah-de-dah subject and it may be distracted from attacking.’
Johnny Morris the BBC’s head presenter keeper explained, ‘In the wild a Paxman will work its way along hedgerows hovering up the contents of bird’s nests and rodent burrows, but as this one has been fed a diet of hapless students and second rate politicians for many years then its long term survival prospects in the real world are low. We are currently playing Vivaldi concertos around the White City area in the hope of luring it out from hiding.’
This escape is part of an ongoing security problem at the BBC following a break out from the Fiona Bruce enclosure last year. That incident ended in tragedy when the Bruce had to be shot after she took Boris Johnston hostage and carried him to the top of Tower Bridge. ‘It was a close situation’ said Keeper Morris of the incident, ’we were very worried for the safety of the big monkey, but Boris was thankfully recovered unharmed.’