High street coffee outlet chain Costa Coffee has announced that, following a successful pilot scheme in Manchester, they will be offering coffee enemas to their customers.
‘People have been cleansing themselves with coffee enemas for centuries,’ explained spokesperson Tana Morrison. ‘And at Costa we’re all about coffee, so for us this is a natural progression. As of Friday, patrons will be able to flush out their systems with a refreshing Cappuccino, douse their digestive tract with a milky Latte or pump themselves full of a sultry Mocha.’
However the scheme has already drawn criticism from some quarters, with customers alleging that the enema options were not properly explained. ‘All I did was pop in for my usual morning pick-me-up,’ complained office worker Nigel Storridge. ‘Next thing you know they’re shoving a Macchiato up me jacksie! Thank god that shot of hazelnut syrup helped lube things up else I’d be sitting in a puddle of foam right now. Oh, and Costa, a word to the wise: complementary Biscotti – bad idea…’