Martin Johnson has been forced to admit that England's entire rugby world cup strategy was based upon the idea of passing to 'the big foreign bloke in the centre' who seems to scare people.
"We were having a strategy meeting when somebody piped up about how, at school, it was an accepted tactic to pass the ball to the foreign exchange student, who more often than not, tended to be massive for his age, with pent up rage in the form of abandonment issues. We all wondered out loud if we could repeat this at international level, and turned around to look at Manu Tuilagi."
"I remember a guy at school called Yussef, who I think was from the middle East or somewhere weird," Said keen inspector of breasts, Mike Tindall, " He'd gone through puberty ridiculously early, so was about 6 feet tall at twelve years old, and even had the beginnings of a tash. Every time he got the ball he just went fucking nuts, and whilst he didn't really understand the rules, he'd usually do some damage, and at the very least the opposition were shit scared of him. Sometimes he'd start shouting in arabic when he ran, which really shook people up."
Johnson has been calmly retrospective when discussing the events of England's World Cup campaign in public, but in private is said to be livid that the plan didn't work, after being assured that Tuilagi was 'mega fast', and 'probably a bit of a psycho' by the rest of the players.