As Wednesday's public sector strikes look set to go ahead, senior officials in a number of government departments are making emergency plans to draft in managers as cover for the nation's vital Diversity Coordinators.
Unions immediately condemned the move, with Dave Prentis, General Secretary of UNISON, saying: "The Conservative government is playing fast and loose with a vital public service. If they continue with their despicable plans then Wednesday could see totally untrained individuals attempting to coordinate diversity."
No government spokesperson was available for comment tonight.
Kristen Shelby-Jones, a person with a sense of entitlement who reads the Guardian and lives in Hampstead, said: "When I finished my sociology degree I was really angry about how white, male and middle-class Britain was. I was offered a job with Islington Council as a Diversity Coordinator, and it was just perfect. In four years in the role, my main responsibility has been to look at interview shortlists once a fortnight and write 'need more blacks and women' in green pen across it before handing it back to HR."
Meanwhile, junior and middle managers across the land look forward to a day of making good hiring decisions without some interfering witch sticking her nose in. Or at least reassuring the emergency Diversity Coordinator that they hired a dwarf last week.