Justin Woodfield, a 23-year-old trainee accountant from Wycombe, expressed hurt and dismay yesterday as no-one at work has yet commented on his efforts to raise money for prostate cancer by growing an elaborate moustache during November.
“It’s been over three weeks now, and not one person has tried to give me the new nickname ‘Magnum, PI’” complained the skinny strawberry blond, “it’s just not very supportive. One person did ask me ‘what’s that on your top lip?' on Tuesday, but it turns out the biro I’d been chewing had broken, so I don’t think it counts.”
Woodfield, who has been shaving regularly every week since he was 17, is beginning to question whether it’s worth carrying on with the fundraising effort if his colleagues aren’t going to get into the spirit of things. He’s particularly worried that many women don’t find big moustaches very attractive, and that he may be diminishing his chances of getting a girlfriend in vain. “I asked fit Janice on reception what she thought of them, and wiggled my lips about a bit to show it off, but she got a strange look on her face and answered a phone that wasn’t ringing, so I don’t think she was well that day,” he added.
Woodfield has put a brave face on the situation in public, but in private he has complained of the apparent lack of charitable feeling among people in these hard times. However his family have attempted to restore his faith in humanity. His favourite grandparent on his mother’s side, Mama Panadelli, has been particularly vocal insisting that people are still good at heart. Ever since Halloween she’s had complete strangers coming up to her pressing fivers into her hand and saying it’s for a very good cause and that she’s doing very well, which is a nice thing to hear at her age.