'Gor bloimay, Mustar Brayern, yer a gent and no mistake. You're the best mairn da leeda country art of recession, ' said Micky Smithy, from Hackney, the latest simulated model proletarian, who was being unveiled at the Ideal Labour Voter show, at Olympia.
This is the annual event at which manufacturers unveil their latest models for SHPs (simulated happy proles) who are increasingly in demand by political parties at election times, Question Time broadcasts and local election hustings.
For this latest model, spin meister Alistair Campbell asked the product designers to go back to basics. Recent attempts, including black and asian people, have been a disaster, as the immigrants often try to better themselves.
An obsequious, forelock tugging happy cockney was called for. And no one played that role better that Dick Van Dyke, as the cockney chimney sweep in Mary Poppins. Though Dyke has retired, his son, Dick Junior, was happy to step in, and create the formula for a co-dependent unit in a nation divided into two unhappy classes in a mutually abusive relationship.
"I'm like, from California? But like many Americans, I watch movies and go on the Internet a lot, so I consider myself an expert on most things in the world," said Van Dyke junior. "And for me, recreating my dad's role of happy, obliging, deferential cockney simpleton was a stroll on the sidewalk."
Ever the perfectionist, Van Dyke wasn't contented just to watch Mary Poppins in order to capture the spirit of aspirationless working class Londoners, happy to be ruled by posh people. For an updated view, he sat through the entire collection of Richard Curtis films. 'I thought I'd never stop throwing up,' said Van Dyke, 'but it was worth it, because now I now exactly what London is like.'
Now the simulated chimney sweep is to be mass produced, and Campbell is planning to place hundreds on them on the street any time Gordon Brown goes on a walkabout. There have been some teething problems however. John Prescott punched one of the prototypes, and Gordon Brown complained that another was a bigot who asked too many diffifult questions.
Alistair Campbell hires Dick van Dyke to play happy cockney Labour voter
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'Gor bloimay, Mustar Brayern, yer a gent and no mistake. You're the best mairn da leeda country art of recession, ' said Micky Smithy, from Hackney, the latest simulated model proletarian, who was being unveiled at the Ideal Labour Voter show, at Olympia.Posted 6 years ago #
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